Nothing quite prepares you for the loss of your pregnancy. The grief can be overwhelming for some women and they feel alone and unable to share their feelings with the people they love. Friends and family members don't quite know what to say, choosing silence instead. In all of this, you should know:
You are not alone.
Many women experience the loss of a pregnancy. Which means, there is a large pool of women who have walked this painful path before you. Recently, the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, revealed that he and his wife had three miscarriages before their current pregnancy. In his announcement, he spoke of feeling so alone and called for the end of the miscarriage taboo. His entire announcement read:
Priscilla and I have some exciting news: we're expecting a baby girl!This will be a new chapter in our lives. We've already been so fortunate for the opportunity to touch people's lives around the world -- Cilla as a doctor and educator, and me through this community and philanthropy. Now we'll focus on making the world a better place for our child and the next generation.We want to share one experience to start.
We've been trying to have a child for a couple of years and have had three miscarriages along the way.You feel so hopeful when you learn you're going to have a child. You start imagining who they'll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they're gone. It's a lonely experience. Most people don't discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you -- as if you're defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own.
In today's open and connected world, discussing these issues doesn't distance us; it brings us together. It creates understanding and tolerance, and it gives us hope.When we started talking to our friends, we realized how frequently this happened -- that many people we knew had similar issues and that nearly all had healthy children after all.We hope that sharing our experience will give more people the same hope we felt and will help more people feel comfortable sharing their stories as well.Our good news is that our pregnancy is now far enough along that the risk of loss is very low and we are very hopeful.Cilla and our child are both healthy, I'm extremely excited to meet her and our dog Beast has no idea what's coming. In our ultrasound, she even gave me a thumbs up "like" with her hand, so I'm already convinced she takes after me.We're looking forward to welcoming her into the world and sharing more soon when she's ready to come out and meet everyone!
It is not your fault.
Nearly half of all women who have suffered a miscarriage believe that it was their fault. They did something wrong. Miscarriage myths abound but the truth is that most miscarriages are unavoidable. Some research shows that nearly 60% of all miscarriages are due to genetic issues. The older you are at the time of pregnancy, your risk does increase, slightly.
Don't forget your partner.
They are experiencing the loss as well and don't normally have the support system in place to get the help they need.
Take the necessary time to heal.
Both physical and mental healing take time. Don't try to rush the process and don't compare your healing time with that of others. Everyone processes these things differently and no two bodies are the same. There are some medical procedures required, depending on several factors, for some women - listen to your doctor and follow the recommendations carefully.
If you would like more information, please see our online pamphlet here.
The physicians at The Woman's Clinic stand with our patients in both the joys and sorrows encountered in the process. We understand the tragedy and loss - we are here for you.